Mark Zuckerberg's sister Randi wants kids to go offline

Randi Zuckerberg has written a children's book extolling the virtues of the real world over social networks such as Facebook. What will her brother think?

Randi Zuckerberg, former marketing director of Facebook Inc and now children's author. Photograph: Bloomberg via Getty Images

Name: Randi Zuckerberg

Age: 31.

Appearance: Familiar. Familial.

What's that – are we doing anagrams? Let me see – Drain bucker zerg? Graze brine duck? Raze Dick R Bunger? Grand cruze Rik? Nardi grub zeeck? No, this isn't right.

Really? It took you til Nardi grub zeeck to figure that out? Leave me alone.

What is it then, if you're so clever? It is a she and she is the sister of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and former director of market development and spokeswoman for the company.

I thought the name rang a bell. And gave you a strange insistent urge to divide everything in my life into reductive binary categories.

Like? Yeah. Or dislike.

So, what's Randi done? Found a way to divert the few pennies in the world not owned by her brother or Tesco into her pocket? Annexed the rest of digital space? Built a better mousetrap? She has written a children's book.

Big deal. I could write a children's book. "Once upon a time, a little boy sat in front of a screen IM-ing and playing unfathomable games until his brain deliquesced and ran slowly out of his ears. His mummy and daddy were sad but to blame. The end." Actually, her book is about a girl called Dot who learns that there is more to life than scrolling through screens. It's designed to encourage children to get kids off their smartphones and tablets and back out into the world.

What does Dot do? She finds that you can "swipe" with a paintbrush and make lovely pictures. That "sharing" can be something you do with a cookie and a dog. And that "tapping" can also be a kind of dancing.

That's … I think you'll have to excuse me – I seem to have got something in my eye. I know. Like. She's got a book for adults, called Dot Complicated, coming out too. It teaches adults how to navigate the digital world and understand privacy issues.

Won't this cause a family friction, what with Mark's apparent ambition to colonise everyone's thinkmeat and put the contents online as soon as possible? Who's to say? It depends whether blood is thicker than money.

Do say: "I shall pre-order through a non-tax-evading book supplier right away."

Don't say: "Is there an ebook edition?"